Attention Burger Lovers,

As a seasoned connoisseur of cheeseburgers for over 65 years, I have had the privilege of indulging in some of the most renowned hamburger establishments across the country. From the iconic Billy Goat Tavern in Chicago to the beloved Tucker's Onion Burgers in Oklahoma City, my taste buds have been treated to an array of delectable burger experiences.

However, during my time in Key West, I found myself yearning for those cherished burger joints that have become a part of my birthday tradition. Rather than settling for the usual cake and presents, my family and I embark on a friendly taste test competition, seeking out the best burgers in town.

Despite the initial absence of such renowned institutions in Key West, we embarked on a thorough exploration of the local burger scene. To our delight, we uncovered five excellent burger joints that exceeded our expectations. Join me as I share my top picks for the ultimate cheeseburger experience in Key West.

The Top 5 Burger Joints in Key West:

1. VFW this is not DFW (2200 N Roosevelt Blvd,) $15 Includes Fries

Welcome to Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 3911, Yes Sir! This place is a relaxed vibe with a long bar and booths. This is also the #1 Rate Bucket List Burger Joint, where they also serve up a massive 1lbs. cheeseburger (lots of cheese), made to your order for $15 (MONDAY it's ½ price). It's no wonder our veterans are the finest warriors in the world, given their determination at all costs to protect their spouses, children, and their VFW cheeseburgers...from the all the commie bastards!

2. Jack Flats (509 Duval St) $15 with Fries

Sports Bar on Duval Street with delicious food, refreshing air conditioning, and great services. The will always will have your favorite game, match, or fight on one of our 19 large televisions (No, they won't have Ostrich racing on TV). However, let's focus on their Cheeseburgers. Is it the finest burger in the United States? No, but it is undeniably remarkable...did I mention it's a truly remarkable cheeseburger? Ground Beef expertly grilled to your order (I love mine rare) and served with Lettuce, Tomatoes, Grilled Onions, Cheese, and Fries for $15.

3. Sandy's Café (1026 White St) $12.95 with Fries

This local eatery was established in Key West in 1954. Not many tourists are aware of this gem, but all the locals include it in their weekly routine. This place is renowned for its great value, where you simply order at the window and enjoy good food. Now, vacationers, don't fret, as they offer delivery of the Gigantic Double Cheeseburger, which comes with a gigantic bag of fries all for $12.95 (speedy deliver is only $3.00). I really think the contents of the one brown paper bag with Cheeseburger and Fries could a family of three, you will definitely struggle to finish it all.

4. Hurricane Hole (5110 Overseas Hwy #1) $16 without Fries

While I relaxed near the harbor at Hurricane Harbor, enjoying a mouthwatering Double Bacon Blue Cheeseburger, my mind wandered to Gilligan and his friends on Gilligan's Island. They were stranded on an uninhabited island, surrounded by sandy shores, ripe tropical fruits, and plentiful fish. However, before they embarked on their ill-fated voyage, they never had the chance to taste the delectable Double Bacon Blue Cheeseburger at Hurricane Harbor. If they had experienced the delight of these burgers, I believe they would have eagerly swum away from the island in a matter of days.

5. Hard Rock Café (313 Duval St) $18.95 with Fries

I'm not really a fan of big chain restaurants for burgers, but the famous Hard Rock Café on Duval Street just unveiled their latest creation: the Messi Burger. You're thinking just like me, what the hell does Lionel Messi, a 5'7" slender "football" player from Argentina, knows about a classic American cheeseburger? Surprisingly, it seems to be a hit with his bosses, the Seminole Tribe of Florida, who own these, British Rock, and Roll-themed bars (you can't make this stuff up).

Now, let's talk about the burger itself. It's a double stack of high-quality beef, cooked to a medium-well perfection (they must do this for insurance) and topped with melted Italian Provolone cheese (not American), sliced Iberian chorizo, caramelized Washington State red onions, and their Native American Florida signature smoky sauce. All served on a toasted French brioche bun with California crisp lettuce and juicy tomato most likely from Mexico – one bite of this $18.95 burger and presto...you are an international foodie! It's substantial and very flavorful, but the location of the Hard Rock Café's on Duval Street which is one of the best spots for street watching, makes are list at #5.

Ps. Next time you see Messi, tell him to practice on his penalty scoring.

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